Disheartened

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This is me, completely honest.  ~ Libby

Disheartened

Sometimes I get disheartened. Discouraged. My darling husband feels this too.

I know we really have something with our local ministry, Bread of Life. We really have something with our books, “The Future Testament” and “I Am Liberty” and “Signs & Wonders.” People actually call our writings life-changing…even scripture, which is kind of a holy shit moment. People say our teachings and classes are intellectually and spiritually stimulating and fulfilling, “PhD level spirituality,” according to one who would know. We have numerous local connections, so the word is out, too.

Our books and classes are challenging. We have surveyed the Bible, Old and New Testaments, and found new reasons to love this book and new ways to forgive it in the light of the culture and times. We spent a year talking about and experiencing the world’s major religions and their core scriptures, a time of breathtaking awakenings and expansions of thought. We are currently discussing and meditating our way through the text of “A Course in Miracles” and our Bible study has taken a quantum leap into “The Future Testament.”

Our presentation of religious truth is provocative and disagreement encouraged. Conversations are profound, transparent and honest. Listening is intense. We all share the stories of our soul’s progression as we become ready, and the sharing creates deeply meaningful bonds. Music and poems, dreams and journals are freely shared. Healing of mind and body are given unreservedly by loving and practiced healers. Those with something to say are encouraged to teach and given time and space to do so. People actively participate in their own spiritual lives and the spiritual lives of others. We serve God’s children locally, regionally and globally.

We call this “church.”

Some people love the idea, but it’s a small number. Most seem to fear it.

I’m disheartened because I deeply long to awaken the deepest of longings in many, many more people. We are acutely aware that time is of the essence. It’s like a holy ache, this one great desire, to see multitudes of my brothers and sisters remember their oneness with God. But I feel like we’re pushing up against the wall of resistance Marianne Williamson described in her book “A Return to Love”:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

We aren’t “playing small.” We’re out to make manifest the glory of God within us and everyone we meet. So while people who come to us are often irresistibly drawn to the light, fear repels them. Then there are others who have fearful habits of thinking, ideas they’ve adopted because somebody else said so. Things I’ve heard all my life, like “Libby is just so weird” (thinks she’s so perfect/smart, uses such big words, etc.) Ahyh has heard it all too. Still others have habits of loyalty to a person they think has some authority. Many people perceive Ahyh and me as “intimidating,” while those who have gotten over their intimidation realize it was all in their own minds.

All Ahyh and I want to do is to share what we have learned.

There is a frightening specter of numbness in our culture, something that is hardening many of our brothers and sisters into automatons, zombies…the living dead. So many of God’s precious children, satisfied with being followers, blindly parroting polarized views…

On top of that, there is a long-term cultural habit of thinking that tells us in myriad ways that we humans are simply not able to cut it, that we need somebody to do it all for us. People seem to deeply believe this to be true, because in terms of the physical world, we’re constantly waiting and watching for a “Superman” to save the day. Many people world-wide looked with real hope to Barack Obama as political Superman; someone who would fix the mess inWashington.

We’re deeply accustomed to this idea of waiting for a savior. In spiritual terms it’s called the “vicarious atonement,” and according to standard Christian hype, Jesus already did everything for us. All we need to do is believe in him and we’ve got the golden ticket to heaven. Funny thing, though: Jesus didn’t do anything of the sort. His greatest desire was that we would all “take up your cross and follow me.” Following Jesus would mean doing what he did with your own life: feeding the hungry, healing the sick, visiting the widows and orphans and raising the dead. Jesus’ plan doesn’t sound at all like sitting around on the couch, watching TV and throwing down snacks while you wait for him to return and rapture you away.

Your salvation is up to YOU. It’s a decision only YOU can make.

Salvation is remembering your oneness with God. It is at-one-ment, realized; the purpose of every human life. It’s being a living Christ, right in the midst of your own everyday life.

There’s an old hymn that goes “Lord I want to be like Jesus in my heart, in my heart.” To truly manifest the heart of Christ is a long journey, and I wonder how many people are actually willing.

That’s why I’m disheartened.

Thank God tomorrow is another day.

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